Buddy


Buddy just living out his life

One of my little dogs, Buddy, short for Buddy Holly, who was almost blind, deaf as a post, no sense of smell, very senile and almost 14 years old, took a turn for the worse. I had taken him to the vets a week before as he was not eating and they ran a whole bunch of tests, kept him for a week and then sent him home with a stack of pills that I had to administer on a daily basis. The little bugger fought me all the way as I literally forced the bloody things down his throat. He seemed to be doing much better until Thursday when he was more confused than ever and would walk his way into a corner or up against furniture and would just stand there for 10 minutes or so before moving again. He could still figure out the doggy door and when he did go outside on a walkabout, I had to go with him to be sure he didn’t fall into any of the ponds as he would get very confused and rush around from place to place unable to figure things out. On Friday, I had to go to pick up my truck that just had the on board computer replaced and when I came home, Buddy was in a terrible muddle. He had walked under a chair and could not figure how to get out. He had peed everywhere and could not stand on all 4 legs and no matter how hard he tried, he could not do it. So, with a very heavy heart, I took him to the Vets for one last trip and they put him to sleep. I brought him home and buried him alongside of all of the other dogs where he will rest forevermore. So now, our little pack is down to 2 dogs, Mikey and Sandy.

I am not sure if I will find another dog to fill the void left by Buddy but maybe if the right one comes along and gives me that special look, we will bring another one or two, home. Both Mikey and Sandy are acting really quiet as if they know that Buddy has crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. My Sister passed on the same day and I will miss them both. Maybe it is because I have a guilty conscience for having to put Buddy to sleep something that I hated to do especially with the memory of Ginnie still very fresh in my mind.

I have lost six dogs, Pete, Richie, BB, Gizmo, Ginnie and now Buddy these past couple of years albeit that most of them were growing old but it is still hard to handle and I miss them all.

Written 3/9/2020

My Final Words to my Sister


My Sister Peggy

I previously blogged about my Sister who was almost 10 years older than me. You can read those blogs here and here.

There were four of us in the family, my two brothers Norman, the oldest and Peter and then my Sister Peggy as she was known. (Her real name was Barbara Eileen and I have no idea where Peggy came from).They were all grouped closely together and then there was me, who arrived 10 years after them. Later on in life, I learned there was a lot of chatter about my Mum having an affair with a guy named Basil from Punnetts Town and the gossip goes that he was my real Father.

Anyway, the point is that I really didn’t know any of them very well until much later in life when we were all adults (sort of adult in my case). Back then, there was a war going on and all three of them enlisted. When they returned, they were all grown up and I was still just a kid and I never got to know them at all. Peter died of the after effects of rheumatic fever that he had contracted during his time in service and which left him with a very weak heart. That left Norman and Peggy who were busy getting on with their own lives. My Mother had met a GI and left us to come to the USA and my Father remarried which was followed by my stint at living with my Step Mother, whom I disliked intensely. I moved again to live first with my Aunt Elsie in Sandy Cross until she became too sick and then moved in with Peggy and Ron and her family in Hailsham for a couple of years as I moved around in my earlier troubled life. I remember that I was often called upon to be the babysitter for their two kids Jim and Sheila, a job that I thought of as unfair to keep me from being with my friends and kicking a football (soccer) ball around.

Both Norman and his second family, having divorced his Egyptian wife that he met during the war, and my Sister and her family followed me over here to America and we all settled in at Fort Plain, New York where our Mother lived with her husband Hermie. That was the closest that we had ever been as a collective family and it only lasted a few years as I moved out to Texas following my marital break up. I barely saw them much after that and then only on the very few trips that I made back to Fort Plain. I came back for Normans funeral when he died of Alzheimer’s and for my one last visit to my Step Father, Hermie prior to his death of lung cancer. Then our Mother died at the ripe old age of 94 and after that, I didn’t see Peggy again. She was the only one of the original family left. She lost her husband Ron and then moved to Florida to live with her Daughter and their family. I kept saying I would go visit but much to my regret, I never made that trip. That was all probably 15-20 years ago and although we stayed in touch we never physically made any more contact. We kept in touch either by letter or by the occasional phone call. One day, a couple of years ago, when I called to speak with her, Gary, Sheila’s husband and with whom Peggy was living, told me to say that she wasn’t mentally doing well and was in the first stages of Alzheimer’s and was very confused. This got progressively worse and when I called a couple of times after that and I tried to talk to her she just ranted on about where she used to live in Hailsham and had no clue to whom she was speaking. That was my last verbal contact with her. A couple of months ago, Gary and Sheila moved her into a special old folks home where she was living out her life and seemingly doing very well. On Friday last, I got a call from Gary telling me that my Sister was gone. She had died in her sleep at the age of 93.

All in all not a very good day all around. The truth is that we never grew up together and I was just a teenager when I lived with them and not really knowing which end was up. Now, as an old man I lack the compassion to feel much of a loss as time and lack of contact has eroded much of the sisterly or brotherly feelings between us. All I can say is that she was my Sister and in my own distant way, I loved her. Because of the Alzheimer’s we had stopped communicating a long time ago. Such a shame but that is the way of the world.

Now, I am the only original member left of this family…

Written 3/9/2020

Growing Old


It is too late for regrets, just be thankful you are old and not dead.

Funny thing that when you are young
and your life has just begun
you never think of that day
when your life starts slipping away
as the present is all fun and play
and the body reacts in a normal way
then one day what used to be fun
now takes more effort as aging has begun
the aches and pains and all the hard knocks
take longer to heal and are more of a shock
bathroom breaks come faster it seems
and walking past one the impossible dream
the hair is gone and now there’s a gut
no matter on how hard you suck
to try to make yourself look thin
for that is an unlikely dream
pretty girls are still worth the time
to watch them out of the corner of your eye
for to stare at them admiring their form
only gets you treated with scorn
and labelled as a dirty old man
though what it is that they don’t understand
that looking at them is all you can do
as age has left you a little askew
and things that used to work so fine
now are reminders of a different time
with physical pleasures a thing of the past
alas good things just don’t last
you sigh and walk slowly away
with thoughts abound of a long lost day
when girls looked at you with smouldering eyes
handsome and confident needing no disguise
not thinking that this day would come
and an old man in more ways than one
and that is about the extent of my life
which now resembles more of a strife
to get my body to work just fine
even though it takes more time
to crawl out of bed so cozy and warm
with the company of dogs who true to form
snuggle up in the night which is no mean feat
staying close to me to get the heat
that my body puts off to keep them warm
thinking that this is the norm
and is what dogs do in their natural way
to protect their hooman from going astray
the body may be weak but the spirit is strong
though it takes more effort to drive it along
it’s still worth the time that the effort does take
as even an old man has a future at stake
it’s not time to lay down and die
but to give it a shot and your best try
and to work through the aches and the pains
and be smart about what is possible to attain
as an old man still has his pride
in allowing his body to be his guide
if he can physically perform each task
then there is nothing left to ask
and until his dying day
this old man will do things his way…

Written 12/15/2019

Leading a Bachelor’s life


and all it can bring…

Sitting here too hot to roam
or go outside and hike in the sun
instead writing about my life
free of strife as I have no wife
although I do have to admit
that not having one with me is a fit
as I do not share my life very well
by not falling under their spell
a typical bachelor’s life for me
and has been for a quarter century
and I have enjoyed the single life
because it has not had the strife
that living with others does present
a selfish man but so content
please I beg of you don’t get me wrong
I like girls but where they belong
which is not living along with me
but in their own space happy and free
it can be said that I’m already too old
for the physical pleasures that girls behold
with their beauty and grace and looks so sublime
promises of having a wonderful time
alas their beauty is all I can see
as the passing of time has caught up with me
my flesh is weak is all I can say
but the spirit is willing for some other way
it’s hell growing old it has to be said
so many things that no longer can do
but at least I have memories of years gone by
things that I can no longer try
and even though the spirit is willing
the flesh has grown weak and the passions are chilling.

Written 8/30/2019

Birthdays


Another birthday has come and gone
just as it did last year
I hope that I can carry on
and next years will also appear
for each birthday represents a date
of time that is passing away
never ever to be regained
time lost with each passing day
I suppose that lost is not the right word
as memories we have gained
in all of those years that are now gone
none have ever been the same
each giving us a glimpse of wonders good and bad
as we go through life some happy and others sad
I have been on this earth for eighty three years
with all of it’s ups and downs
and I would like to see so many more
before the end is found
how many more birthdays will I see
how many years to add
how much more of Nature to enjoy
and memories both good and bad
of one thing I am very sure no matter what the end
the life I have lived is mine alone and for this I would like it extend
if I could ever do it again many changes I would make
but only in the way I lived not the person to forsake
for that man turned out alright the best that he could be
just an ordinary working guy enjoying life’s mysteries.

Written 2/4/2019




That Time of the Year


Homeless but the dog has food.

It is almost that time of the year again
when man can be good to his fellow men
friendships renewed old grudges are gone
with everyone ready to carry on
I’m not talking Christmas that time of good cheer
but rather to welcome a brand New Year
with fresh ideas and a new lease of life
a time to forget any previous strife
to make new friends or old friendships renew
and help your neighbor and some of the few
who are down on their luck and need a hand
with money or food to get out of the jamb
that luck and life has dealt to them
and looking for help from their fellow men
life itself can be very hard
especially if you draw the wrong card
but with help from others in better shape
a whole new life it’s possible to make
all it needs is that helping hand
before the timer runs out of sand.

Help your fellow man…

Written 12/7/2018


Where Has the Year Gone?


Is this the path to eternity?

I was perusing the blogs that end up in my inbox on a daily basis to see if there was anything super interesting or that needed my attention. Out of the one hundred or so that make up the mornings supply, there are always some that are interesting or are from the bloggers that I choose to follow on a regular basis. These I pay special attention to while the rest are quickly sent to that hole in the sky where the uninteresting or unwanted blogs end up. Many are advertisements and they too are quickly eliminated.

I had one this morning from Amy Rose of Petals Unfolding commenting on exactly the same thing, “Where has the year gone?” She also attached some photos of a real Fall with beautifully colored leaves, not like what I get in my part of Texas. Here, there is the occasional tree with its Fall window dressing but we have a lot of evergreens that just drop the leaves without them coloring up and many keep them and are green nearly all year round. They drop their leaves in the Spring when the new growth arrives. This also means we have a double batch to clean up.

Back to the subject of this blog, “Where has the year gone?” I know that old wives tale or not, time is supposed to pass quicker as we get older. That is probably because we are each approaching our individual end and instead counting forward as we did when we were young, we are now counting downwards to that inevitable ending. Why that particular time has to go by so fast, I don’t know. Being older and retired with no clocks to punch anywhere, one would think that time would slow down. I even stopped wearing a watch as I really had no reason to keep track of time.

Of course, all of this is a fallacy as we all know there are 60 minutes to an hour, 24 hours to a day, 7 days to a week and any number of days in the various months. Whether we are young and can’t wait to grow up or old and can’t wait to act young again, time is always the same, never varying. The only thing constant is the count down to the end and that is an individual thing over which we have no control.

So, even though time flies by as we grow older it is just a misconception and just maybe a sign that we are really having way too much fun. Roll on 2019. Lets get into yet another year and see if this one goes by any slower…

Written 11/25/2018