With so much rain these past few days here in my part of Texas, I have been able to catch up on a lot of the things that I had been putting off or had not gotten to. I’m talking blog work and such that requires a lot of my attention. I’m definitely not talking about cleaning and dusting my house. It would need a long winter socked in by about ten feet of snow to even come close in giving me enough time to complete that task. As we very rarely get snow in Central Texas around Austin, I am quite safe in predicting that my house will not get cleaned any time soon. The floors get mopped because I have three dogs but absolutely no dusting even though the  dogs do contribute to the layers of dust that covers everything. If I could just teach them to dust…

Maybe I need to get one of those, whatchamacallits, darn it, what are they called? I know, they are called wives. Wait a minute, I already tried that, three times in fact and they didn’t work for me. Anyway, the modern wife doesn’t know anymore about cleaning and dusting than I do and has even less inclination to do that sort of work. It would be a lot cheaper to hire a maid service than to get another wife which is what the modern wives do anyway. I am too old and set in my ways to share anything with anybody unless I don’t want it for some reason or another and then I will gladly give it away. Besides, at eighty years old, what could I offer anyone besides my unbounded selfishness, my dirty house and inept and decrepit old body.

The one thing I am still good at as age begins to take away some of my finer points is the ability to recognize a beautiful woman as I pass them in the streets and in the stores while I am out and about. This is to the extent that I stare straight at them with no subtle sideways glances and no attempt to hide my obvious delights in their beauty. Some of them probably think of me as a “dirty old man” and in retrospect, I probably am but what the hell, what else is left? I think I might enjoy a slapped face or a biting remark just because it would remind me that I am still alive and bring back memories of when I used to “love” others. It’s true, I fall in “love” with every beautiful girl I see.

Which got me thinking about “love”. What is love anyway other than being a four letter word?  It has got to be the most used word in the English language at least between two people. The guy says it to get in her pants and the girl says it to get into his wallet. Or maybe she has bigger designs and wants to take the whole thing, house, car, bank account…I love my camera but it is not capable of responding. I love my dogs and cats and all animals. Well, most of them. They do not have to give me anything in return but they do. I wonder if in their little brains or their nervous system, they have anything close to love. I know they have affection but is that the same thing? Probably is for them.

I “love” to hike but how can love be returned from such a static environment. I love the English Premier League and watching Wayne Rooney play, I love audio books and listening to a good story, I love my car and on and on and from anything that I love, is it returned to me as love? I don’t think so. It’s like watching a show on television where the couple are running for their lives and it looks hopeless and he tells her, “I love you AND I promise to get you out of this”. How the heck is he going to do that when all the odds are stacked against him and yet he makes a “promise”? I guess if they are both dead, technically, he didn’t really break or keep it and of course, a good screenwriter will save the day for him but even so, “promise” is another overused word with very little meaning. Those three wives all “promised” and they are all gone…

Don’t get me wrong. I like most people and as far as I can tell at this late age in my life, have no known enemies. All of those that wanted my head in my early days have either died or at the most become senile enough they can’t remember that I chased after their wives. Some people I like much more than others but the truth is, I don’t love any of them and neither will I promise to save them from the end of the world.

There are some exceptions of course, most notably sons and daughters but I was not including them in this particular conversation. But, I promise to leave each of them a million dollars. Now that one is easy to break.  Such is life.